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FACING DEATH-Part 2

Assalamualaikum

First and foremost,

Let me thank you for your continuous willingness to follow this story of a remarkable man who finds the most precious thing in his and our life when he is tested with the painful fact that he will not have a long time to breathe anymore. Below is the second part of his journey.

1. The Principle Attitude to be adopted.

It is not easy to list down in the right chronology, the things that I’ve learned throughout my ordeal, as they involved various time spans. So I will try my best to arrange them according to what I think is best. Honestly, I do not have too much time to think about the strategy to write this article. So please forgive me for all the shortcomings.

I will start with what I term as “TheAttitude” to be adopted when facing a situation like mine. This is important as it will determine your next course of actions.

1.1 “Have a Strong Will to Fight it!”

When I was told that I had choroidal melanoma in my right eye, and the best solution was to remove the eyeball completely (enucleation), I was really in a total state of confusion. This was because while all the medical doctors advised me to go for an enucleation immediately, my close relatives and friends said that there existed alternative medications that could help remove or reduce the tumor size, citing several personally known cases, and advising me that I should give time to try them out.

But every one of them shared one particular common principle, that “You must have a strong will to fight this cancer”. In other words, I should do whatever necessary to fight the cancer not only from the physical treatment point of view (surgery, chemotherapy, alternative medications and supplements, etc.), but also from the emotional, mental and spiritual point of view (positive thinking, meditation, constant prayers and supplications to Allah swt for recovery, constantly reciting certain verses of the Quran and some shalawat related to Asy-Syifa’,etc).

I subscribed to this idea that is to “fight this cancer from all aspects mentioned above”. I used my granted Grace Period 1 from Allah swt, to try all other kinds of alternative treatments that I could find. I spent a lot of money going from one place to another for treatments, etc., hoping that the cancer could be reduced or at least controlled from further growth.

I also used this same period to “fight the cancer” from the spiritual, emotional and mental point of view by increasing my daily Quranic readings and night prayers, crying in front of Allah swt while asking for His mercy for my recovery, constantly reciting the recommended Quranic verses and shalawat, meditation, and so many others.

Nevertheless despite all these efforts, I could se that the cancer was still growing (remember, the cancer was in my eye, so I could see the spot that was affecting my vision becoming larger and larger). At the time when the artificial eye was available (end of Grace Period 1), I could see that there was no improvement, which meant that I had no more reasons to ask for further postponement.

It was also becoming too risky, i.e. the gap was becoming narrower between the cancer spot and the main inlet/outlet for the eye, where the main blood vessels are, i.e. the blind spot. So I decided to proceed with the enucleation, convincing myself that this was what Allah had wanted. I forced myself to “redha” (true acceptance) with Allah’s decision, as that was the only choice I had in order to overcome my frustration.




As you know, more than one and a half years later I got the news that I have metastic cancer. It was a big blow to me when I received the news. Before this I was about to lose my eye, and now I am about to lose my life.

I spent a considerable amount of time pondering about all these things that I had gone through and about to go through. I also prayed to Allah swt for His Guidance, as I was not sure what was going to happen to me and what I was supposed to do. I already had the experience fighting the eye cancer before in which I had failed and that had caused me a little bit depression. So I was not sure now if I could really go through it all over again fighting even more severely for something which is more crucial-my life.

But Alhamdulillah, Allah swt then helped me “see things” I had never “seen” before. I suddenly realized that my ordeal while facing the eye cancer problem actually contained lessons, helping me to face my second ordeal, the possibility of losing my life. The lessons are:

· The fact that I could not save my eye despite all the efforts I made physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, reminds me that none of my body parts actually belong to me. They are all merely “lent” to me by Allah swt. Before this, I only understood this fact “theoretically”, now I am experiencing it for real.

· When Allah swt had willed to take away my eye, nothing could stop this decision. So what makes me think now that I can stop Allah swt if He decides to take away my life?

· Throughout Grace Period 1, I never knew what Allah swt’s final decision would be for my eye until I discovered that it was too risky to postpone the enucleation. So, was adopting the “fighting the cancer” attitude, especially from spiritual point of view, really worth it? what I discovered was that I was still having some feelings of disappointment at times, as if Allah swt did not answer my prayers despite all the spiritual efforts that I made. These were the whispers of syaitan, who continuously try to divert mankind away from Allah swt

All the above now contribute to a very important lesson in my life, which is as follows:

The advice to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life(Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual)” could actually be a very dangerous attitude for a Muslim to adopt. I was lucky I had that first experience, and the thing I was fighting for was only to save my eye. But what if at that time, I was actually fighting for my life? What if while I was fighting for my life suddenly I discovered that the angle of death was now in front of me about to take my life away?

I could have died while being displeased with Allah swt’s decision to take away my life; because I had made a lot of efforts, prayers and supplication to Him but yet it would seem then as though H e had not answered any of my prayers (na’udzubillah). Had I died in this situation, i.e. with the feeling of displeasure to Allah swt, do you think Allah swt would be pleased with me?

I therefore realized that the attitude to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life” is definitely a wrong and dangerous attitude for me to adopt, especially now when I am about to lose my life due to this metastic cancer.

So what attitude to adopt?

End of part two…

p/s: What is the most precious thing that I’ve stated before? Find it next month it this blog, insya Allah

FACING DEATH-Part 1



D.E.A.T.H. I think I don’t have to explain about this simple word yet has a very deep meaning. Everyone knows for sure that each of us eventually will reach the last breath part. How are our conditions at that time? What is our fate in the grave? Is it one part from the garden of Paradise or the early beginning to Jahannam? NAUZUBILLAH…Have we ever question it to ourselves?

Actually, for this significance title, I’ve quoted it from one book. Upon reading this book, I think I want to share its content with all of you because I believe this topic is very important to us. This book mainly enlightens about a man who is diagnosed with cancer and how are his reactions on that incident. Amazingly, he writes his story right before his death as he wants to tell us the real definition of life from his point of view which we usually unaware of it. I confidently feel this book is very interesting since the author inscribe the account from his own real experience in his momentous journey searching God although he had to endure tremendous pain while he is in the final stage of the fatal cancer.

To all hearty readers, let us ponder it together……..

FACING DEATH-A TESTIMONY OF A MUSLIM STRICKEN WITH METASTATIC CANCER

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

1. Introduction

Assalamualaikum Brothers and Sisters in Islam.

First of all, please allow me to identify myself only as K. my main reason to remain anonymous is because I want the readers to concentrate more on the content of this article rather than to concentrate on the character of the author, i.e. me. This is because this article contains things that I’ve learned from personal experience throughout my ordeal in facing death, which I now feel is an obligation to share with my Muslim brothers and sisters.

At the same time, however, I know I am far from being a perfect Muslim, and I am still unsure of the state I will be in when my Creator finally calls for me. I am still worried whether I would really pass the test, i.e. the pain, the agony, especially during Sakaratul Maut. Therefore, I do not want the state of my death to affect the credibility of the knowledge that I want to share with you in this article.

Last but not least, the views expressed in this article are solely my opinions. This means that I could be right and I could also be wrong. If you have doubts on some of my views, by all means consult the experts, the Islamic scholars in particular. If I were proven wrong, please take advice from the Islamic scholars and please ignore mine. What I am doing here is just sharing with my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Islam what I have learnt to the best of my knowledge, in the hope that we could all learn something from it.

1.1 A Brief History of My Illness

In the fourth quarter of year 2002, I was diagnosed with Choroidal Melanoma, a cancer of the choroid behind the retina in my right eye. By the time it was correctly diagnosed, the cancer had already grown into a considerable size where it was no longer possible to save the vision through an operation, although there was still a chance to save the eyeball.

But such an operation would be very costly, as it could only be performed in a foreign country. Furthermore, there would be costs for the subsequent treatments (radiation therapy), etc; and yet the risk of “recurrence” would still be very high, plus some other possible complications. A better solution as suggested by the local experts was “Enucleation”, i.e. to remove the right eyeball completely.

It was a tough decision to allow the doctors to enucleate my right eyeball. But Alhamdulillah, after a lot of prayers and putting a lot of thoughts to it, I decided to have it done. To cut the story short, Allah s.w.t gave me another one and half months before the operation could take place; at first because of my request to spare me from the operation for another two weeks. Subsequently the operation had to be further postponed due to the unavailability of the correct size of the artificial eye needed to be placed in my right eye’s orbit.

The one and a half months was a period that will be referred to later in this article, so please allow me to term it as Grace Period 1. The enucleation and the artificial eye implant took place in November 2002, during the month of Ramadhan. I had to miss a few days of fasting, but I could no longer postpone the operation due to the high risk of it spreading to other parts of the body. Alhamdulillah, the operation went well, and Alhamdulillah, Allah made me recover from the operation fairly quick, making it possible for me to carry on with fasting for the remaining days.

The histopatology report that came later confirmed that the cancer was confined to the eyeball and there was still a considerably good margin separating the cancer cells from the eyeball’s main blood vessels. Alhamdulillah.

Having done the enucleation was not the end of the story. I became aware by reading articles from the internet and also from the doctors, that I was still at risk of experiencing “recurrence” of worse, the fatal metastic cancer (cancer that spreads to other parts of the body). As for metastic cancer, the most common part that would be affected due to choroidal melanoma is the liver.

Therefore, I always had to go for medical checkups every 6 months, to do a CT scan of the brain and orbit, and an ultrasound of the liver. All praise is due to Allah s.w.t, I lived a normal life from the moment I recovered from the enucleation in November 2002, until the last quarter of year of 2004. For easy reference later in this article, I term this period as Grace Period 2.

In the middle of year 2004, I started sensing some changes in me. The changes were in terms of my energy levels; I started feeling very tired at the end of the day. There were times when I just felt a bit tired all out of a sudden, but after a while I would feel okay again. I also discovered that I had to take a longer time to recover from simple flu, instead of my normal 2 hours (using Panadol + sleeping under a blanket), I would then take 2 days to recover.

I then began to realize that something was not right with me. It could be either my fitness level had dropped due to lack of exercise (unlike before the enucleation operation), or because of the possible metastic cancer mentioned before. Anyway, since my next scheduled CT scan and Ultrasound was just around the corner, i.e. in early August, I thought it would be a good opportunity to check the cause of the problem.

The result of the ultrasound scan confirmed that I had Multiple Liver Metastasis. It was indeed a heavy blow to me. Previously I was losing my eye and now I am going to lose my life. I was told that if not treated, I might only have 6 months or so to live. To make things worse, the Head of Oncology Department confirmed that at present, metastatic cancer of the liver due to choroidal melanoma has very limited solutions. And all these solutions have low percentage rates of success. At best even if successful, the solution would only help to prolong life for a few more months or so. Anyhow, he still suggested that I go for some proposed treatments, and I did.

So that is the condition I am in today at this point of writing. Still struggling with the cancer, I have gone for most of the proposed treatments (chemotheraphy, chemo embolization, etc.) and Alhamdulillah, I am still alive at this point of time. It has already been more than 11 months since I was first diagnosed with the metastic cancer, I am referring to this period as Grace Period 3.

But from the medical reports, I have a feeling that this period will not be going on for much longer, because the metastic cancer are still growing and I am beginning to feel and experience the effects. It may just be a matter of time now, before Allah s.w.t decides to end my life or to cure me through His miracles.

The above is a brief history of my illness, which I think is important to know so that you will be able to understand the remaining content of this article. For more information about Choroidal Melanoma and Metastatic cancer, just do a Google search, insyaAllah you will find lots of information on it. One example is the site below:

[ http://www.eyecancer.com/Metastatic Melanoma/MetMel.html ]

What happen next? How is his life facing the cancer?

Stay tune for more….

p/s: For your information, this book is for free distribution. And thank you to Hafizah who gave this book to me.

Assalamualaikum

First and foremost,

Let me thank you for your continuous willingness to follow this story of a remarkable man who finds the most precious thing in his and our life when he is tested with the painful fact that he will not have a long time to breathe anymore. Below is the second part of his journey.

1. The Principle Attitude to be adopted.

It is not easy to list down in the right chronology, the things that I’ve learned throughout my ordeal, as they involved various time spans. So I will try my best to arrange them according to what I think is best. Honestly, I do not have too much time to think about the strategy to write this article. So please forgive me for all the shortcomings.

I will start with what I term as “TheAttitude” to be adopted when facing a situation like mine. This is important as it will determine your next course of actions.

1.1 “Have a Strong Will to Fight it!”

When I was told that I had choroidal melanoma in my right eye, and the best solution was to remove the eyeball completely (enucleation), I was really in a total state of confusion. This was because while all the medical doctors advised me to go for an enucleation immediately, my close relatives and friends said that there existed alternative medications that could help remove or reduce the tumor size, citing several personally known cases, and advising me that I should give time to try them out.

But every one of them shared one particular common principle, that “You must have a strong will to fight this cancer”. In other words, I should do whatever necessary to fight the cancer not only from the physical treatment point of view (surgery, chemotherapy, alternative medications and supplements, etc.), but also from the emotional, mental and spiritual point of view (positive thinking, meditation, constant prayers and supplications to Allah swt for recovery, constantly reciting certain verses of the Quran and some shalawat related to Asy-Syifa’,etc).

I subscribed to this idea that is to “fight this cancer from all aspects mentioned above”. I used my granted Grace Period 1 from Allah swt, to try all other kinds of alternative treatments that I could find. I spent a lot of money going from one place to another for treatments, etc., hoping that the cancer could be reduced or at least controlled from further growth.

I also used this same period to “fight the cancer” from the spiritual, emotional and mental point of view by increasing my daily Quranic readings and night prayers, crying in front of Allah swt while asking for His mercy for my recovery, constantly reciting the recommended Quranic verses and shalawat, meditation, and so many others.

Nevertheless despite all these efforts, I could se that the cancer was still growing (remember, the cancer was in my eye, so I could see the spot that was affecting my vision becoming larger and larger). At the time when the artificial eye was available (end of Grace Period 1), I could see that there was no improvement, which meant that I had no more reasons to ask for further postponement.

It was also becoming too risky, i.e. the gap was becoming narrower between the cancer spot and the main inlet/outlet for the eye, where the main blood vessels are, i.e. the blind spot. So I decided to proceed with the enucleation, convincing myself that this was what Allah had wanted. I forced myself to “redha” (true acceptance) with Allah’s decision, as that was the only choice I had in order to overcome my frustration.




As you know, more than one and a half years later I got the news that I have metastic cancer. It was a big blow to me when I received the news. Before this I was about to lose my eye, and now I am about to lose my life.

I spent a considerable amount of time pondering about all these things that I had gone through and about to go through. I also prayed to Allah swt for His Guidance, as I was not sure what was going to happen to me and what I was supposed to do. I already had the experience fighting the eye cancer before in which I had failed and that had caused me a little bit depression. So I was not sure now if I could really go through it all over again fighting even more severely for something which is more crucial-my life.

But Alhamdulillah, Allah swt then helped me “see things” I had never “seen” before. I suddenly realized that my ordeal while facing the eye cancer problem actually contained lessons, helping me to face my second ordeal, the possibility of losing my life. The lessons are:

· The fact that I could not save my eye despite all the efforts I made physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, reminds me that none of my body parts actually belong to me. They are all merely “lent” to me by Allah swt. Before this, I only understood this fact “theoretically”, now I am experiencing it for real.

· When Allah swt had willed to take away my eye, nothing could stop this decision. So what makes me think now that I can stop Allah swt if He decides to take away my life?

· Throughout Grace Period 1, I never knew what Allah swt’s final decision would be for my eye until I discovered that it was too risky to postpone the enucleation. So, was adopting the “fighting the cancer” attitude, especially from spiritual point of view, really worth it? what I discovered was that I was still having some feelings of disappointment at times, as if Allah swt did not answer my prayers despite all the spiritual efforts that I made. These were the whispers of syaitan, who continuously try to divert mankind away from Allah swt

All the above now contribute to a very important lesson in my life, which is as follows:

The advice to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life(Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual)” could actually be a very dangerous attitude for a Muslim to adopt. I was lucky I had that first experience, and the thing I was fighting for was only to save my eye. But what if at that time, I was actually fighting for my life? What if while I was fighting for my life suddenly I discovered that the angle of death was now in front of me about to take my life away?

I could have died while being displeased with Allah swt’s decision to take away my life; because I had made a lot of efforts, prayers and supplication to Him but yet it would seem then as though H e had not answered any of my prayers (na’udzubillah). Had I died in this situation, i.e. with the feeling of displeasure to Allah swt, do you think Allah swt would be pleased with me?

I therefore realized that the attitude to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life” is definitely a wrong and dangerous attitude for me to adopt, especially now when I am about to lose my life due to this metastic cancer.

So what attitude to adopt?

End of part two…

p/s: What is the most precious thing that I’ve stated before? Find it next month it this blog, insya Allah





D.E.A.T.H. I think I don’t have to explain about this simple word yet has a very deep meaning. Everyone knows for sure that each of us eventually will reach the last breath part. How are our conditions at that time? What is our fate in the grave? Is it one part from the garden of Paradise or the early beginning to Jahannam? NAUZUBILLAH…Have we ever question it to ourselves?

Actually, for this significance title, I’ve quoted it from one book. Upon reading this book, I think I want to share its content with all of you because I believe this topic is very important to us. This book mainly enlightens about a man who is diagnosed with cancer and how are his reactions on that incident. Amazingly, he writes his story right before his death as he wants to tell us the real definition of life from his point of view which we usually unaware of it. I confidently feel this book is very interesting since the author inscribe the account from his own real experience in his momentous journey searching God although he had to endure tremendous pain while he is in the final stage of the fatal cancer.

To all hearty readers, let us ponder it together……..

FACING DEATH-A TESTIMONY OF A MUSLIM STRICKEN WITH METASTATIC CANCER

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

1. Introduction

Assalamualaikum Brothers and Sisters in Islam.

First of all, please allow me to identify myself only as K. my main reason to remain anonymous is because I want the readers to concentrate more on the content of this article rather than to concentrate on the character of the author, i.e. me. This is because this article contains things that I’ve learned from personal experience throughout my ordeal in facing death, which I now feel is an obligation to share with my Muslim brothers and sisters.

At the same time, however, I know I am far from being a perfect Muslim, and I am still unsure of the state I will be in when my Creator finally calls for me. I am still worried whether I would really pass the test, i.e. the pain, the agony, especially during Sakaratul Maut. Therefore, I do not want the state of my death to affect the credibility of the knowledge that I want to share with you in this article.

Last but not least, the views expressed in this article are solely my opinions. This means that I could be right and I could also be wrong. If you have doubts on some of my views, by all means consult the experts, the Islamic scholars in particular. If I were proven wrong, please take advice from the Islamic scholars and please ignore mine. What I am doing here is just sharing with my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Islam what I have learnt to the best of my knowledge, in the hope that we could all learn something from it.

1.1 A Brief History of My Illness

In the fourth quarter of year 2002, I was diagnosed with Choroidal Melanoma, a cancer of the choroid behind the retina in my right eye. By the time it was correctly diagnosed, the cancer had already grown into a considerable size where it was no longer possible to save the vision through an operation, although there was still a chance to save the eyeball.

But such an operation would be very costly, as it could only be performed in a foreign country. Furthermore, there would be costs for the subsequent treatments (radiation therapy), etc; and yet the risk of “recurrence” would still be very high, plus some other possible complications. A better solution as suggested by the local experts was “Enucleation”, i.e. to remove the right eyeball completely.

It was a tough decision to allow the doctors to enucleate my right eyeball. But Alhamdulillah, after a lot of prayers and putting a lot of thoughts to it, I decided to have it done. To cut the story short, Allah s.w.t gave me another one and half months before the operation could take place; at first because of my request to spare me from the operation for another two weeks. Subsequently the operation had to be further postponed due to the unavailability of the correct size of the artificial eye needed to be placed in my right eye’s orbit.

The one and a half months was a period that will be referred to later in this article, so please allow me to term it as Grace Period 1. The enucleation and the artificial eye implant took place in November 2002, during the month of Ramadhan. I had to miss a few days of fasting, but I could no longer postpone the operation due to the high risk of it spreading to other parts of the body. Alhamdulillah, the operation went well, and Alhamdulillah, Allah made me recover from the operation fairly quick, making it possible for me to carry on with fasting for the remaining days.

The histopatology report that came later confirmed that the cancer was confined to the eyeball and there was still a considerably good margin separating the cancer cells from the eyeball’s main blood vessels. Alhamdulillah.

Having done the enucleation was not the end of the story. I became aware by reading articles from the internet and also from the doctors, that I was still at risk of experiencing “recurrence” of worse, the fatal metastic cancer (cancer that spreads to other parts of the body). As for metastic cancer, the most common part that would be affected due to choroidal melanoma is the liver.

Therefore, I always had to go for medical checkups every 6 months, to do a CT scan of the brain and orbit, and an ultrasound of the liver. All praise is due to Allah s.w.t, I lived a normal life from the moment I recovered from the enucleation in November 2002, until the last quarter of year of 2004. For easy reference later in this article, I term this period as Grace Period 2.

In the middle of year 2004, I started sensing some changes in me. The changes were in terms of my energy levels; I started feeling very tired at the end of the day. There were times when I just felt a bit tired all out of a sudden, but after a while I would feel okay again. I also discovered that I had to take a longer time to recover from simple flu, instead of my normal 2 hours (using Panadol + sleeping under a blanket), I would then take 2 days to recover.

I then began to realize that something was not right with me. It could be either my fitness level had dropped due to lack of exercise (unlike before the enucleation operation), or because of the possible metastic cancer mentioned before. Anyway, since my next scheduled CT scan and Ultrasound was just around the corner, i.e. in early August, I thought it would be a good opportunity to check the cause of the problem.

The result of the ultrasound scan confirmed that I had Multiple Liver Metastasis. It was indeed a heavy blow to me. Previously I was losing my eye and now I am going to lose my life. I was told that if not treated, I might only have 6 months or so to live. To make things worse, the Head of Oncology Department confirmed that at present, metastatic cancer of the liver due to choroidal melanoma has very limited solutions. And all these solutions have low percentage rates of success. At best even if successful, the solution would only help to prolong life for a few more months or so. Anyhow, he still suggested that I go for some proposed treatments, and I did.

So that is the condition I am in today at this point of writing. Still struggling with the cancer, I have gone for most of the proposed treatments (chemotheraphy, chemo embolization, etc.) and Alhamdulillah, I am still alive at this point of time. It has already been more than 11 months since I was first diagnosed with the metastic cancer, I am referring to this period as Grace Period 3.

But from the medical reports, I have a feeling that this period will not be going on for much longer, because the metastic cancer are still growing and I am beginning to feel and experience the effects. It may just be a matter of time now, before Allah s.w.t decides to end my life or to cure me through His miracles.

The above is a brief history of my illness, which I think is important to know so that you will be able to understand the remaining content of this article. For more information about Choroidal Melanoma and Metastatic cancer, just do a Google search, insyaAllah you will find lots of information on it. One example is the site below:

[ http://www.eyecancer.com/Metastatic Melanoma/MetMel.html ]

What happen next? How is his life facing the cancer?

Stay tune for more….

p/s: For your information, this book is for free distribution. And thank you to Hafizah who gave this book to me.