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Usai sudah 'exam' sem 1 untuk tahun ke-2 di kampus. Alhamdulillah. Setelah berusaha, segala natijah hanya disandarkan kepada-Nya. Melewati hari-hari menjelang peperiksaan, satu perkara bermain di minda;ilham dari-Nya jua. Setiap kali bertarung di medan perjuangan, terasa bagaikan gambaran Hari Kiamat. Walaupun perumpamaan itu amat jauh, namun ada satu perkara yang ingin dikongsi di sini.

Memasuki dewan peperiksaan bermakna menempuh satu tempoh yang sangat getir di dalam hidup. Pelbagai usaha dibuat bagi memastikan semua soalan dapat dijawab dengan sempurna. Beruntung bagi mereka yang dipermudahkan Allah untuk menjawab semua soalan dengan baik. Terasa berbaloi segala penat lelah yang dicurahkan. Sebaliknya bagi yang tidak bersedia menghadapi medan juang ini. Mereka gagal melaksanakan amanah yang diberi sebaiknya.

Menghadapi detik-detik peperiksaan umpama berada di hari perhitungan. Siapa yang bersedia dan cukup bekal yang dibawa, harapan menantinya untuk dimuliakan.Manakala bagi mereka yang lalai dan mendustakan hari yang pasti itu, tunggulah balasan sewajarnya dari Tuhan. Pada masa itu, tiada siapa yang dapat menghulurkan bantuan sekalipun orang yang melahirkanmu. Hanya diri sendiri menjadi tempat bergantung mengenangkan nasib yang bakal menanti.

Namun, suasana di dunia jauh benar bezanya dengan akhirat. Kegagalan di dunia bukan noktah terakhir. Masih banyak dan besar usaha yang boleh disalurkan untuk mencapai kegemilangan.Perkara itu adalah mustahil di akhirat. Masa untuk menebus kesilapan dan pulang ke dunia menabur kebajikan sudah berakhir. Apa yang diharap hanyalah rahmat dan kasih sayang Tuhan.

Oleh itu, marilah bersama memperbanyakkan amal ibadah yang tulus ikhlas hanya untuk Rabb-Mu semata walau hanya sekadar sebuah senyuman kerana kita tidak tahu amalan mana yang dipandang oleh-Nya. Jangan lepaskan sebarang peluang menambah akaun amal kerana ajal datang tanpa diundang. Gunakan masa muda sebaiknya kerana itulah masa paling berharga yang dikurniai Ilahi untuk membuat kebaikan setinggi gunung. Peritnya 'last minute study', begitulah juga sukarnya memulakan langkah membiasakan diri beramal pabila usia sudah dimamah masa.

Tibanya saat gembira apabila keputusan peperiksaan seperti yang didoakan dan diharapkan menjadi kenyataan. Begitulah jua nantinya andai kaki dapat menjejaki syurga. Tiada kata dapat diucap. Tiada bicara dapat diluah. Kebahagiaan yang kekal itu kini dapat dimiliki. Hari KEMENANGAN yang sebenar telah menjelma.

Ayuh, mari bersama mempersiapkan diri menghadapi hari ujian sebenar.Jika tidur dapat ditangguh untuk 'exam', mengapa tidak disingkatkan tidur itu untuk bangun malam beribadah? Jika selera makan dapat diikat semasa 'exam', mengapa tidak dikhaskan hari-hari untuk berpuasa? Jika hiburan-hiburan dapat dikurangkan sewaktu exam, mengapa tidak disimpan sahaja umpat dan cela itu? Betapa banyaknya usaha yang dilabur untuk mencapai kejayaan dunia, di mana usaha untuk kecemerlangan di akhirat; kampung dan rumah sebenar. Bukan sedikit lelah yang ditagih, tetapi amal yang ikhlas disuluh iman yang teguh menjadi dambaan setiap mukmin yang benar-benar memahami di manakah destinasi abadi mereka.

FACING DEATH-Part 3

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM
First of all, my deepest gratitude to Allah swt for giving me two most precious possessions ever; IMAN and ISLAM. And Peace be to my dearest Prophet Muhammad SAW for his venture to deliver the message of God.
Dearest readers,
I think it’s been more than a month since I left this blog alone. I’m so sorry. Since starting the new year of study, I’m entering a new era in my life which I have to persuade myself in adapting mode. It makes my determination in updating this blog once a month fail. In future, I can’t promise when I’ll update this blog. Like always, I’m still wondering if my blog ever has a fan. But, insya Allah, I know, you all exist. He
Let’s move to my content of blog for this entry. After K had knew about his serious illness and began to move forward, he already had a so-called defensive mechanism for himself to face through the tough time. That is what I really want to share with all of you because as human, we cannot skip from having a problem whether small or big. When I’m in the corner of stress and exhausted, this book give me something to ponder on. It’s for sure that noble Quran is the best cure to us but the presence of this book is regarded as added value.
So, what attitude to adopt actually?
My ordeal fighting the eye cancer was a very important lesson for me. I know for sure that “having a strong will to fight it” is a very wrong thing to do. Why fight for something when I am not sure what the outcome would be? Especially after knowing that Allah swt has already decreed for each one of us how long we shall live in this world, and that none can stop it when the time comes.
وَلَنْ يُؤَخِّرَ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِذَا جَاءَ أَجَلُهَا ۚ وَاللَّهُ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا تَعْمَلُون
“But to no soul will Allah grant respite when the time appointed (for it) has come; and Allah is well –acquainted with (all) that ye do.” (Al-Munaafiqun:11)
“Wherever ye are, death will find you out, even if ye are in towers built up strong and high!(an- Nisa’:78)
“We have decreed Death to be your common lot, and We are not to be frustrated.” (al-Waqiah:60)
“He is the Irresistible, (watching) from above over His worshippers, and He sets guardians over you. At length, when death approaches one of you, Our angels take his soul, and they never fail in their duty.” (al-An’am:61)
The above are just four out of so many Quranic verses talking about Life and Death, all reminding us of who we are, nothing but weak human-beings who live in this world at the mercy of Allah swt. So to put up a strong fight for my life while not knowing what Allah swt has decided for me ( as it is totally beyond my knowledge), is definitely not the right thing to do. Furthermore, as I have discussed previously, this attitude can be very dangerous as I may die while being displeased with Allah swt’s decision.
The next obvious question is “What then should be my correct attitude in facing this possibilityf losing my life?” The answer in the Quran in the following verse:
“To Allah do belong the unseen (secrets) of the heavens and the earth, and to Him goeth back every affair (for decision): then worship Him, and put thy trust in Him: and thy Lord is not unmindful of aught that ye do.” (Hud: 123)
The above verse clearly indicates that we have no knowledge of the Unseen (including the time of our deaths) as they belong to Allah swt alone, and that alla affairs are for Him to decide. We are asked to put our trust (tawakkal) in Him alone. Allah swt also said in the Quran:
“Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits ( of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return.” They are those on whom (descend) blessings from their Lord, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. “ (al-Baqarah:155-157)

Based on these facts, I therefore chose to let Allah swt decide for me, whether to heal me or to take away my life, as I realized that it is not for me to decide on this unseen thing.
My supplications to Allah swt have also changed. Previously when I was about to lose my eye, I did a lot of prayers and supplications to Allah swt asking Him for my recovery. But this time, all I ask from Allah swt is whatever His decision will be, let it be the best for me; i.e. if He decides to heal me, make me a better person and a very obedient servant of His; if on the other hand He decides to take away my life, I beg Him to take me away during the time when He is truly pleased with me and to bless me with His forgiveness and mercy. I also asked Allah swt to make me among “those who patiently persevere”, as I do not know how much pain and agony I will have to face later on in the future. That is all I ask from Him, and I put all my trust in Him as is commanded Him in the above verse.
This is the concept of “Redha” (true acceptance) of what Allah swt has decreed upon us, and “Tawakkal” i.e. putting all trust to Allah swt. It is not something that can be easily achieved without the help from Allah swt. Therefore, you will have to continuously ask Allah swt to help you achieve it. that is what I did, and I discovered Allah swt is also Merciful and He will help you when you sincerely ask for it. I will talk about this in the next section insyaAllah.
What is more important to tell you at this stage is what I have personally experienced after adopting this “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude in replace of “You must have a strong will to fight the cancer” attitude. The things that I have discovered are as follows:
• With the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, I discovered that I began to really enjoy doing my prayers, supplications to Allah swt and all kinds of other ibadah (Solat, Zikrullah, Quranic readings and studies, etc); as I now do all these only with the hope to obtain His blessings and forgiveness and nothing else.
With the “strong will to fight the cancer” attitude, I was having a lot of conflicts within myself when I performed all the above ibadah, because I was not sure if I were doing them to get Allah swt’s blessings and forgiveness or because I was desperate for recovery. Sometimes I felt guilty for being so selfish, I felt that did all these because I was only thinking of myself (i.e. for my recovery), and not trying to please Allah swt. Honestly, it was awful to have that kind of feeling while doing your ibadah.
• With the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, I really have a very peaceful mind (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). I am not under any kind of pressure at all due to my sickness, in fact I am totally relaxed, Alhamdulillah. When I feel sick, I make a lot of istighfar as I know this is one method for Allah swt to forgive my sins. When I feel OK, I praise Him as I really feel thankful for His great Mercy towards me.
I think this is the blessings you would get from Allah swt once you adopt the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, as you let Allah swt decide the best for you; compared to when I was adopting the “strong will to fight the cancer” attitude where I was really under a lot of stress. I guess back then I was really desperate to recover, I believed I could fight the cancer and so I tried my best. I did not prepare myself to be on the “losing side”, hence I was really under a lot of pressure to win the battle.
• Having a peaceful mind (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) in itself is a form of healing. Even if it does not help me to survive the cancer physically, it is already helping me to face it mentally, emotionally and spiritually, which is more important.

It is important to note that when I said that I began adopting the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, I did not mean that I’ve also started refusing to go for any kind of treatment. The “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude that I’ve adopted is for my mental, emotional and spiritual point of view only. Physically, I still go for recommended treatments suggested by the medical doctors and complimentary medical practitioners, as long as the recommended treatment is not against Islamic teachings.
But when I go for any of these treatments, I don’t put on my hopes on them. Instead, I put all my hopes and trust only to Allah swt. Whether or not I will be healed, it is up to Allah swt to decide. I therefore do not have any stress about the possibility of failing to heal as a result of treatment.
One might ask why then do I still go for treatment if I have put my trust and hope only to Allah swt? The answer is because we never know what lies ahead of us, i.e. in my case, whether Allah swt will heal me or take away my life. But what we do know is that most of the time Allah’s help come via the people around us, as Allah swt is in control of everything in this world.
I therefore felt that I should not refuse any help offered by anybody especially when they are sincere in helping and their proposed treatments do not go against the criteria I mentioned earlier. From my own experience, if the proposed treatment works (even it only reduces the pain) then there is more reason for me to thank Allah swt; and if it doesn’t, then there is always a lesson to learn from it.
To summarize this lesson, “Redha and Tawakkal” is a much better attitude to adopt as it brings you so much greater benefits from all aspects of life (Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual).
Insya-Allah, to be continue...

FACING DEATH-Part 2

Assalamualaikum

First and foremost,

Let me thank you for your continuous willingness to follow this story of a remarkable man who finds the most precious thing in his and our life when he is tested with the painful fact that he will not have a long time to breathe anymore. Below is the second part of his journey.

1. The Principle Attitude to be adopted.

It is not easy to list down in the right chronology, the things that I’ve learned throughout my ordeal, as they involved various time spans. So I will try my best to arrange them according to what I think is best. Honestly, I do not have too much time to think about the strategy to write this article. So please forgive me for all the shortcomings.

I will start with what I term as “TheAttitude” to be adopted when facing a situation like mine. This is important as it will determine your next course of actions.

1.1 “Have a Strong Will to Fight it!”

When I was told that I had choroidal melanoma in my right eye, and the best solution was to remove the eyeball completely (enucleation), I was really in a total state of confusion. This was because while all the medical doctors advised me to go for an enucleation immediately, my close relatives and friends said that there existed alternative medications that could help remove or reduce the tumor size, citing several personally known cases, and advising me that I should give time to try them out.

But every one of them shared one particular common principle, that “You must have a strong will to fight this cancer”. In other words, I should do whatever necessary to fight the cancer not only from the physical treatment point of view (surgery, chemotherapy, alternative medications and supplements, etc.), but also from the emotional, mental and spiritual point of view (positive thinking, meditation, constant prayers and supplications to Allah swt for recovery, constantly reciting certain verses of the Quran and some shalawat related to Asy-Syifa’,etc).

I subscribed to this idea that is to “fight this cancer from all aspects mentioned above”. I used my granted Grace Period 1 from Allah swt, to try all other kinds of alternative treatments that I could find. I spent a lot of money going from one place to another for treatments, etc., hoping that the cancer could be reduced or at least controlled from further growth.

I also used this same period to “fight the cancer” from the spiritual, emotional and mental point of view by increasing my daily Quranic readings and night prayers, crying in front of Allah swt while asking for His mercy for my recovery, constantly reciting the recommended Quranic verses and shalawat, meditation, and so many others.

Nevertheless despite all these efforts, I could se that the cancer was still growing (remember, the cancer was in my eye, so I could see the spot that was affecting my vision becoming larger and larger). At the time when the artificial eye was available (end of Grace Period 1), I could see that there was no improvement, which meant that I had no more reasons to ask for further postponement.

It was also becoming too risky, i.e. the gap was becoming narrower between the cancer spot and the main inlet/outlet for the eye, where the main blood vessels are, i.e. the blind spot. So I decided to proceed with the enucleation, convincing myself that this was what Allah had wanted. I forced myself to “redha” (true acceptance) with Allah’s decision, as that was the only choice I had in order to overcome my frustration.




As you know, more than one and a half years later I got the news that I have metastic cancer. It was a big blow to me when I received the news. Before this I was about to lose my eye, and now I am about to lose my life.

I spent a considerable amount of time pondering about all these things that I had gone through and about to go through. I also prayed to Allah swt for His Guidance, as I was not sure what was going to happen to me and what I was supposed to do. I already had the experience fighting the eye cancer before in which I had failed and that had caused me a little bit depression. So I was not sure now if I could really go through it all over again fighting even more severely for something which is more crucial-my life.

But Alhamdulillah, Allah swt then helped me “see things” I had never “seen” before. I suddenly realized that my ordeal while facing the eye cancer problem actually contained lessons, helping me to face my second ordeal, the possibility of losing my life. The lessons are:

· The fact that I could not save my eye despite all the efforts I made physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, reminds me that none of my body parts actually belong to me. They are all merely “lent” to me by Allah swt. Before this, I only understood this fact “theoretically”, now I am experiencing it for real.

· When Allah swt had willed to take away my eye, nothing could stop this decision. So what makes me think now that I can stop Allah swt if He decides to take away my life?

· Throughout Grace Period 1, I never knew what Allah swt’s final decision would be for my eye until I discovered that it was too risky to postpone the enucleation. So, was adopting the “fighting the cancer” attitude, especially from spiritual point of view, really worth it? what I discovered was that I was still having some feelings of disappointment at times, as if Allah swt did not answer my prayers despite all the spiritual efforts that I made. These were the whispers of syaitan, who continuously try to divert mankind away from Allah swt

All the above now contribute to a very important lesson in my life, which is as follows:

The advice to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life(Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual)” could actually be a very dangerous attitude for a Muslim to adopt. I was lucky I had that first experience, and the thing I was fighting for was only to save my eye. But what if at that time, I was actually fighting for my life? What if while I was fighting for my life suddenly I discovered that the angle of death was now in front of me about to take my life away?

I could have died while being displeased with Allah swt’s decision to take away my life; because I had made a lot of efforts, prayers and supplication to Him but yet it would seem then as though H e had not answered any of my prayers (na’udzubillah). Had I died in this situation, i.e. with the feeling of displeasure to Allah swt, do you think Allah swt would be pleased with me?

I therefore realized that the attitude to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life” is definitely a wrong and dangerous attitude for me to adopt, especially now when I am about to lose my life due to this metastic cancer.

So what attitude to adopt?

End of part two…

p/s: What is the most precious thing that I’ve stated before? Find it next month it this blog, insya Allah

FACING DEATH-Part 1



D.E.A.T.H. I think I don’t have to explain about this simple word yet has a very deep meaning. Everyone knows for sure that each of us eventually will reach the last breath part. How are our conditions at that time? What is our fate in the grave? Is it one part from the garden of Paradise or the early beginning to Jahannam? NAUZUBILLAH…Have we ever question it to ourselves?

Actually, for this significance title, I’ve quoted it from one book. Upon reading this book, I think I want to share its content with all of you because I believe this topic is very important to us. This book mainly enlightens about a man who is diagnosed with cancer and how are his reactions on that incident. Amazingly, he writes his story right before his death as he wants to tell us the real definition of life from his point of view which we usually unaware of it. I confidently feel this book is very interesting since the author inscribe the account from his own real experience in his momentous journey searching God although he had to endure tremendous pain while he is in the final stage of the fatal cancer.

To all hearty readers, let us ponder it together……..

FACING DEATH-A TESTIMONY OF A MUSLIM STRICKEN WITH METASTATIC CANCER

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

1. Introduction

Assalamualaikum Brothers and Sisters in Islam.

First of all, please allow me to identify myself only as K. my main reason to remain anonymous is because I want the readers to concentrate more on the content of this article rather than to concentrate on the character of the author, i.e. me. This is because this article contains things that I’ve learned from personal experience throughout my ordeal in facing death, which I now feel is an obligation to share with my Muslim brothers and sisters.

At the same time, however, I know I am far from being a perfect Muslim, and I am still unsure of the state I will be in when my Creator finally calls for me. I am still worried whether I would really pass the test, i.e. the pain, the agony, especially during Sakaratul Maut. Therefore, I do not want the state of my death to affect the credibility of the knowledge that I want to share with you in this article.

Last but not least, the views expressed in this article are solely my opinions. This means that I could be right and I could also be wrong. If you have doubts on some of my views, by all means consult the experts, the Islamic scholars in particular. If I were proven wrong, please take advice from the Islamic scholars and please ignore mine. What I am doing here is just sharing with my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Islam what I have learnt to the best of my knowledge, in the hope that we could all learn something from it.

1.1 A Brief History of My Illness

In the fourth quarter of year 2002, I was diagnosed with Choroidal Melanoma, a cancer of the choroid behind the retina in my right eye. By the time it was correctly diagnosed, the cancer had already grown into a considerable size where it was no longer possible to save the vision through an operation, although there was still a chance to save the eyeball.

But such an operation would be very costly, as it could only be performed in a foreign country. Furthermore, there would be costs for the subsequent treatments (radiation therapy), etc; and yet the risk of “recurrence” would still be very high, plus some other possible complications. A better solution as suggested by the local experts was “Enucleation”, i.e. to remove the right eyeball completely.

It was a tough decision to allow the doctors to enucleate my right eyeball. But Alhamdulillah, after a lot of prayers and putting a lot of thoughts to it, I decided to have it done. To cut the story short, Allah s.w.t gave me another one and half months before the operation could take place; at first because of my request to spare me from the operation for another two weeks. Subsequently the operation had to be further postponed due to the unavailability of the correct size of the artificial eye needed to be placed in my right eye’s orbit.

The one and a half months was a period that will be referred to later in this article, so please allow me to term it as Grace Period 1. The enucleation and the artificial eye implant took place in November 2002, during the month of Ramadhan. I had to miss a few days of fasting, but I could no longer postpone the operation due to the high risk of it spreading to other parts of the body. Alhamdulillah, the operation went well, and Alhamdulillah, Allah made me recover from the operation fairly quick, making it possible for me to carry on with fasting for the remaining days.

The histopatology report that came later confirmed that the cancer was confined to the eyeball and there was still a considerably good margin separating the cancer cells from the eyeball’s main blood vessels. Alhamdulillah.

Having done the enucleation was not the end of the story. I became aware by reading articles from the internet and also from the doctors, that I was still at risk of experiencing “recurrence” of worse, the fatal metastic cancer (cancer that spreads to other parts of the body). As for metastic cancer, the most common part that would be affected due to choroidal melanoma is the liver.

Therefore, I always had to go for medical checkups every 6 months, to do a CT scan of the brain and orbit, and an ultrasound of the liver. All praise is due to Allah s.w.t, I lived a normal life from the moment I recovered from the enucleation in November 2002, until the last quarter of year of 2004. For easy reference later in this article, I term this period as Grace Period 2.

In the middle of year 2004, I started sensing some changes in me. The changes were in terms of my energy levels; I started feeling very tired at the end of the day. There were times when I just felt a bit tired all out of a sudden, but after a while I would feel okay again. I also discovered that I had to take a longer time to recover from simple flu, instead of my normal 2 hours (using Panadol + sleeping under a blanket), I would then take 2 days to recover.

I then began to realize that something was not right with me. It could be either my fitness level had dropped due to lack of exercise (unlike before the enucleation operation), or because of the possible metastic cancer mentioned before. Anyway, since my next scheduled CT scan and Ultrasound was just around the corner, i.e. in early August, I thought it would be a good opportunity to check the cause of the problem.

The result of the ultrasound scan confirmed that I had Multiple Liver Metastasis. It was indeed a heavy blow to me. Previously I was losing my eye and now I am going to lose my life. I was told that if not treated, I might only have 6 months or so to live. To make things worse, the Head of Oncology Department confirmed that at present, metastatic cancer of the liver due to choroidal melanoma has very limited solutions. And all these solutions have low percentage rates of success. At best even if successful, the solution would only help to prolong life for a few more months or so. Anyhow, he still suggested that I go for some proposed treatments, and I did.

So that is the condition I am in today at this point of writing. Still struggling with the cancer, I have gone for most of the proposed treatments (chemotheraphy, chemo embolization, etc.) and Alhamdulillah, I am still alive at this point of time. It has already been more than 11 months since I was first diagnosed with the metastic cancer, I am referring to this period as Grace Period 3.

But from the medical reports, I have a feeling that this period will not be going on for much longer, because the metastic cancer are still growing and I am beginning to feel and experience the effects. It may just be a matter of time now, before Allah s.w.t decides to end my life or to cure me through His miracles.

The above is a brief history of my illness, which I think is important to know so that you will be able to understand the remaining content of this article. For more information about Choroidal Melanoma and Metastatic cancer, just do a Google search, insyaAllah you will find lots of information on it. One example is the site below:

[ http://www.eyecancer.com/Metastatic Melanoma/MetMel.html ]

What happen next? How is his life facing the cancer?

Stay tune for more….

p/s: For your information, this book is for free distribution. And thank you to Hafizah who gave this book to me.

~WORTH GIVING~

One day, during UNGS 2040 class, my lecturer said
"Something that you give is actually your properties"
"Weird, right? He said that after seeing the donation
form is circulated among the students.
I want to manifest the sentence that is stated by him.
As I'm one of the fan of Abu Saif's blog, his admirable
motto really affected me and my life.
"HIDUP UNTUK MEMBERI"
Yes, giving is actually our duty of life, we have to use
all the properties given by God to give back to HIM.
Giving back to Him? He needs our service?
NO! Obviously not!
But, the action of giving is a state of obedience.
He tells us to give? Which statement?
I quote one verse here as a prove:
" O mankind! Worship your Lord (Allah), who created you
and those who were before you so that you may become
al-Muttaqun" (2;21)
Based on this words from Noble Quran, Allah asks us to
solely worship Him. It means that we are giving our devotion
to Him in order to obey His instruction.
Act of giving, right?

Another example; In one Prophetic Narration:
"The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim"
What are you understand from this sunnah? Learning, right?
What its relation with giving?
Don't you see that studying is also a representation of giving? How?
We utilize our energy, time and even life to learn.
That means we are giving. To whom?
Allah swt of course. A very precious giving!
Oh, seems that I haven't explain what is meant by
what you give away is what you will get
or
WHAT YOU GIVE YOU BACK
From my point of view, when we give,
it will be recorded by the angels
and insya Allah, we'll get the rewards in the Hereafter.
But, what we use in the world is not written in the Book
because it doesn't mean anything.
It doesn't right that way actually. What we use for the purpose
of ibadah will also be counted as a deed. Insya Allah.
However, in one hadith, Prophet say:
"The upper hand is better than the lower" (own translation)
That is to say that, the giver is more dignified than the accepter.
In a nutshell, my dear friends, starting from now and today,
let's always be a supplier whether it's only a smile because
we are indirectly returning it back to ourselves.
Wallahua'lam(",)






=COMMA(,)=

After leaving this blog for a while, I start to miss it. I feel very bad for causing it to be lonely. Sorry B.
Actually I'm having a condition which inhibit my nerve to send signal to the brain to stimulate action potential membrane that will cause me to write. It occured about 3 months ago. From that time, my usual pace of reading became slow which contribute to little idea of publishing something in this blog.
I started to realize that my writings habit was based on my mood. That's not good actually. We must keep living no matter what happen to us. The world is waiting for us!
As for the title above,I relate it to my journey in this blog. That's mean that I click the PAUSE button recently for the reason that I've stated.Insya Allah,I will continue to give something to the loyal readers.
I don't know whether there is someone awaiting for me to update my deserted blog, but I'm happy if there is someone at least.InsyaAllah.
To tell the truth, I had learned a lot of things when Allah gave me this test. I was walking through the path of patience, grateful and willingness for each and every second steps in my life.
Sometimes, I kept asking God why He sent this kind of obstacles? Why I'm the chosen one? I've tried to do good deeds yet still He makes my life harder? Oh Allah, sorry for all the absurd kind of questions.
In fact, from day to day, I find myself closer to Him when I'm being tested. I figure out many things. The most important thing is,you have to have a CONFIDENCE in Him. Just believe in God in whatever you are trying to do.Insya Allah,He will show the wise way for you.He knows everything which we know nothing.
Before saying goodbye,let us together reflect a reminder from Him;
"O you who believe! Do your duty to Allah, seek the means of approach unto Him, and strive with might and main in His cause:that you may prosper."
(al-Maidah;35)
I hope this simple article will benefit us. If you don't get much, don't forget the little. Thanks for viewing this blogs. And, the best regards solely for HIM...
>>>More to share, Insya Allah..please pray for me and all our brotherhood


Usai sudah 'exam' sem 1 untuk tahun ke-2 di kampus. Alhamdulillah. Setelah berusaha, segala natijah hanya disandarkan kepada-Nya. Melewati hari-hari menjelang peperiksaan, satu perkara bermain di minda;ilham dari-Nya jua. Setiap kali bertarung di medan perjuangan, terasa bagaikan gambaran Hari Kiamat. Walaupun perumpamaan itu amat jauh, namun ada satu perkara yang ingin dikongsi di sini.

Memasuki dewan peperiksaan bermakna menempuh satu tempoh yang sangat getir di dalam hidup. Pelbagai usaha dibuat bagi memastikan semua soalan dapat dijawab dengan sempurna. Beruntung bagi mereka yang dipermudahkan Allah untuk menjawab semua soalan dengan baik. Terasa berbaloi segala penat lelah yang dicurahkan. Sebaliknya bagi yang tidak bersedia menghadapi medan juang ini. Mereka gagal melaksanakan amanah yang diberi sebaiknya.

Menghadapi detik-detik peperiksaan umpama berada di hari perhitungan. Siapa yang bersedia dan cukup bekal yang dibawa, harapan menantinya untuk dimuliakan.Manakala bagi mereka yang lalai dan mendustakan hari yang pasti itu, tunggulah balasan sewajarnya dari Tuhan. Pada masa itu, tiada siapa yang dapat menghulurkan bantuan sekalipun orang yang melahirkanmu. Hanya diri sendiri menjadi tempat bergantung mengenangkan nasib yang bakal menanti.

Namun, suasana di dunia jauh benar bezanya dengan akhirat. Kegagalan di dunia bukan noktah terakhir. Masih banyak dan besar usaha yang boleh disalurkan untuk mencapai kegemilangan.Perkara itu adalah mustahil di akhirat. Masa untuk menebus kesilapan dan pulang ke dunia menabur kebajikan sudah berakhir. Apa yang diharap hanyalah rahmat dan kasih sayang Tuhan.

Oleh itu, marilah bersama memperbanyakkan amal ibadah yang tulus ikhlas hanya untuk Rabb-Mu semata walau hanya sekadar sebuah senyuman kerana kita tidak tahu amalan mana yang dipandang oleh-Nya. Jangan lepaskan sebarang peluang menambah akaun amal kerana ajal datang tanpa diundang. Gunakan masa muda sebaiknya kerana itulah masa paling berharga yang dikurniai Ilahi untuk membuat kebaikan setinggi gunung. Peritnya 'last minute study', begitulah juga sukarnya memulakan langkah membiasakan diri beramal pabila usia sudah dimamah masa.

Tibanya saat gembira apabila keputusan peperiksaan seperti yang didoakan dan diharapkan menjadi kenyataan. Begitulah jua nantinya andai kaki dapat menjejaki syurga. Tiada kata dapat diucap. Tiada bicara dapat diluah. Kebahagiaan yang kekal itu kini dapat dimiliki. Hari KEMENANGAN yang sebenar telah menjelma.

Ayuh, mari bersama mempersiapkan diri menghadapi hari ujian sebenar.Jika tidur dapat ditangguh untuk 'exam', mengapa tidak disingkatkan tidur itu untuk bangun malam beribadah? Jika selera makan dapat diikat semasa 'exam', mengapa tidak dikhaskan hari-hari untuk berpuasa? Jika hiburan-hiburan dapat dikurangkan sewaktu exam, mengapa tidak disimpan sahaja umpat dan cela itu? Betapa banyaknya usaha yang dilabur untuk mencapai kejayaan dunia, di mana usaha untuk kecemerlangan di akhirat; kampung dan rumah sebenar. Bukan sedikit lelah yang ditagih, tetapi amal yang ikhlas disuluh iman yang teguh menjadi dambaan setiap mukmin yang benar-benar memahami di manakah destinasi abadi mereka.



BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM
First of all, my deepest gratitude to Allah swt for giving me two most precious possessions ever; IMAN and ISLAM. And Peace be to my dearest Prophet Muhammad SAW for his venture to deliver the message of God.
Dearest readers,
I think it’s been more than a month since I left this blog alone. I’m so sorry. Since starting the new year of study, I’m entering a new era in my life which I have to persuade myself in adapting mode. It makes my determination in updating this blog once a month fail. In future, I can’t promise when I’ll update this blog. Like always, I’m still wondering if my blog ever has a fan. But, insya Allah, I know, you all exist. He
Let’s move to my content of blog for this entry. After K had knew about his serious illness and began to move forward, he already had a so-called defensive mechanism for himself to face through the tough time. That is what I really want to share with all of you because as human, we cannot skip from having a problem whether small or big. When I’m in the corner of stress and exhausted, this book give me something to ponder on. It’s for sure that noble Quran is the best cure to us but the presence of this book is regarded as added value.
So, what attitude to adopt actually?
My ordeal fighting the eye cancer was a very important lesson for me. I know for sure that “having a strong will to fight it” is a very wrong thing to do. Why fight for something when I am not sure what the outcome would be? Especially after knowing that Allah swt has already decreed for each one of us how long we shall live in this world, and that none can stop it when the time comes.
وَلَنْ يُؤَخِّرَ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِذَا جَاءَ أَجَلُهَا ۚ وَاللَّهُ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا تَعْمَلُون
“But to no soul will Allah grant respite when the time appointed (for it) has come; and Allah is well –acquainted with (all) that ye do.” (Al-Munaafiqun:11)
“Wherever ye are, death will find you out, even if ye are in towers built up strong and high!(an- Nisa’:78)
“We have decreed Death to be your common lot, and We are not to be frustrated.” (al-Waqiah:60)
“He is the Irresistible, (watching) from above over His worshippers, and He sets guardians over you. At length, when death approaches one of you, Our angels take his soul, and they never fail in their duty.” (al-An’am:61)
The above are just four out of so many Quranic verses talking about Life and Death, all reminding us of who we are, nothing but weak human-beings who live in this world at the mercy of Allah swt. So to put up a strong fight for my life while not knowing what Allah swt has decided for me ( as it is totally beyond my knowledge), is definitely not the right thing to do. Furthermore, as I have discussed previously, this attitude can be very dangerous as I may die while being displeased with Allah swt’s decision.
The next obvious question is “What then should be my correct attitude in facing this possibilityf losing my life?” The answer in the Quran in the following verse:
“To Allah do belong the unseen (secrets) of the heavens and the earth, and to Him goeth back every affair (for decision): then worship Him, and put thy trust in Him: and thy Lord is not unmindful of aught that ye do.” (Hud: 123)
The above verse clearly indicates that we have no knowledge of the Unseen (including the time of our deaths) as they belong to Allah swt alone, and that alla affairs are for Him to decide. We are asked to put our trust (tawakkal) in Him alone. Allah swt also said in the Quran:
“Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits ( of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return.” They are those on whom (descend) blessings from their Lord, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. “ (al-Baqarah:155-157)

Based on these facts, I therefore chose to let Allah swt decide for me, whether to heal me or to take away my life, as I realized that it is not for me to decide on this unseen thing.
My supplications to Allah swt have also changed. Previously when I was about to lose my eye, I did a lot of prayers and supplications to Allah swt asking Him for my recovery. But this time, all I ask from Allah swt is whatever His decision will be, let it be the best for me; i.e. if He decides to heal me, make me a better person and a very obedient servant of His; if on the other hand He decides to take away my life, I beg Him to take me away during the time when He is truly pleased with me and to bless me with His forgiveness and mercy. I also asked Allah swt to make me among “those who patiently persevere”, as I do not know how much pain and agony I will have to face later on in the future. That is all I ask from Him, and I put all my trust in Him as is commanded Him in the above verse.
This is the concept of “Redha” (true acceptance) of what Allah swt has decreed upon us, and “Tawakkal” i.e. putting all trust to Allah swt. It is not something that can be easily achieved without the help from Allah swt. Therefore, you will have to continuously ask Allah swt to help you achieve it. that is what I did, and I discovered Allah swt is also Merciful and He will help you when you sincerely ask for it. I will talk about this in the next section insyaAllah.
What is more important to tell you at this stage is what I have personally experienced after adopting this “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude in replace of “You must have a strong will to fight the cancer” attitude. The things that I have discovered are as follows:
• With the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, I discovered that I began to really enjoy doing my prayers, supplications to Allah swt and all kinds of other ibadah (Solat, Zikrullah, Quranic readings and studies, etc); as I now do all these only with the hope to obtain His blessings and forgiveness and nothing else.
With the “strong will to fight the cancer” attitude, I was having a lot of conflicts within myself when I performed all the above ibadah, because I was not sure if I were doing them to get Allah swt’s blessings and forgiveness or because I was desperate for recovery. Sometimes I felt guilty for being so selfish, I felt that did all these because I was only thinking of myself (i.e. for my recovery), and not trying to please Allah swt. Honestly, it was awful to have that kind of feeling while doing your ibadah.
• With the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, I really have a very peaceful mind (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). I am not under any kind of pressure at all due to my sickness, in fact I am totally relaxed, Alhamdulillah. When I feel sick, I make a lot of istighfar as I know this is one method for Allah swt to forgive my sins. When I feel OK, I praise Him as I really feel thankful for His great Mercy towards me.
I think this is the blessings you would get from Allah swt once you adopt the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, as you let Allah swt decide the best for you; compared to when I was adopting the “strong will to fight the cancer” attitude where I was really under a lot of stress. I guess back then I was really desperate to recover, I believed I could fight the cancer and so I tried my best. I did not prepare myself to be on the “losing side”, hence I was really under a lot of pressure to win the battle.
• Having a peaceful mind (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) in itself is a form of healing. Even if it does not help me to survive the cancer physically, it is already helping me to face it mentally, emotionally and spiritually, which is more important.

It is important to note that when I said that I began adopting the “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude, I did not mean that I’ve also started refusing to go for any kind of treatment. The “Redha and Tawakkal” attitude that I’ve adopted is for my mental, emotional and spiritual point of view only. Physically, I still go for recommended treatments suggested by the medical doctors and complimentary medical practitioners, as long as the recommended treatment is not against Islamic teachings.
But when I go for any of these treatments, I don’t put on my hopes on them. Instead, I put all my hopes and trust only to Allah swt. Whether or not I will be healed, it is up to Allah swt to decide. I therefore do not have any stress about the possibility of failing to heal as a result of treatment.
One might ask why then do I still go for treatment if I have put my trust and hope only to Allah swt? The answer is because we never know what lies ahead of us, i.e. in my case, whether Allah swt will heal me or take away my life. But what we do know is that most of the time Allah’s help come via the people around us, as Allah swt is in control of everything in this world.
I therefore felt that I should not refuse any help offered by anybody especially when they are sincere in helping and their proposed treatments do not go against the criteria I mentioned earlier. From my own experience, if the proposed treatment works (even it only reduces the pain) then there is more reason for me to thank Allah swt; and if it doesn’t, then there is always a lesson to learn from it.
To summarize this lesson, “Redha and Tawakkal” is a much better attitude to adopt as it brings you so much greater benefits from all aspects of life (Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual).
Insya-Allah, to be continue...


Assalamualaikum

First and foremost,

Let me thank you for your continuous willingness to follow this story of a remarkable man who finds the most precious thing in his and our life when he is tested with the painful fact that he will not have a long time to breathe anymore. Below is the second part of his journey.

1. The Principle Attitude to be adopted.

It is not easy to list down in the right chronology, the things that I’ve learned throughout my ordeal, as they involved various time spans. So I will try my best to arrange them according to what I think is best. Honestly, I do not have too much time to think about the strategy to write this article. So please forgive me for all the shortcomings.

I will start with what I term as “TheAttitude” to be adopted when facing a situation like mine. This is important as it will determine your next course of actions.

1.1 “Have a Strong Will to Fight it!”

When I was told that I had choroidal melanoma in my right eye, and the best solution was to remove the eyeball completely (enucleation), I was really in a total state of confusion. This was because while all the medical doctors advised me to go for an enucleation immediately, my close relatives and friends said that there existed alternative medications that could help remove or reduce the tumor size, citing several personally known cases, and advising me that I should give time to try them out.

But every one of them shared one particular common principle, that “You must have a strong will to fight this cancer”. In other words, I should do whatever necessary to fight the cancer not only from the physical treatment point of view (surgery, chemotherapy, alternative medications and supplements, etc.), but also from the emotional, mental and spiritual point of view (positive thinking, meditation, constant prayers and supplications to Allah swt for recovery, constantly reciting certain verses of the Quran and some shalawat related to Asy-Syifa’,etc).

I subscribed to this idea that is to “fight this cancer from all aspects mentioned above”. I used my granted Grace Period 1 from Allah swt, to try all other kinds of alternative treatments that I could find. I spent a lot of money going from one place to another for treatments, etc., hoping that the cancer could be reduced or at least controlled from further growth.

I also used this same period to “fight the cancer” from the spiritual, emotional and mental point of view by increasing my daily Quranic readings and night prayers, crying in front of Allah swt while asking for His mercy for my recovery, constantly reciting the recommended Quranic verses and shalawat, meditation, and so many others.

Nevertheless despite all these efforts, I could se that the cancer was still growing (remember, the cancer was in my eye, so I could see the spot that was affecting my vision becoming larger and larger). At the time when the artificial eye was available (end of Grace Period 1), I could see that there was no improvement, which meant that I had no more reasons to ask for further postponement.

It was also becoming too risky, i.e. the gap was becoming narrower between the cancer spot and the main inlet/outlet for the eye, where the main blood vessels are, i.e. the blind spot. So I decided to proceed with the enucleation, convincing myself that this was what Allah had wanted. I forced myself to “redha” (true acceptance) with Allah’s decision, as that was the only choice I had in order to overcome my frustration.




As you know, more than one and a half years later I got the news that I have metastic cancer. It was a big blow to me when I received the news. Before this I was about to lose my eye, and now I am about to lose my life.

I spent a considerable amount of time pondering about all these things that I had gone through and about to go through. I also prayed to Allah swt for His Guidance, as I was not sure what was going to happen to me and what I was supposed to do. I already had the experience fighting the eye cancer before in which I had failed and that had caused me a little bit depression. So I was not sure now if I could really go through it all over again fighting even more severely for something which is more crucial-my life.

But Alhamdulillah, Allah swt then helped me “see things” I had never “seen” before. I suddenly realized that my ordeal while facing the eye cancer problem actually contained lessons, helping me to face my second ordeal, the possibility of losing my life. The lessons are:

· The fact that I could not save my eye despite all the efforts I made physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, reminds me that none of my body parts actually belong to me. They are all merely “lent” to me by Allah swt. Before this, I only understood this fact “theoretically”, now I am experiencing it for real.

· When Allah swt had willed to take away my eye, nothing could stop this decision. So what makes me think now that I can stop Allah swt if He decides to take away my life?

· Throughout Grace Period 1, I never knew what Allah swt’s final decision would be for my eye until I discovered that it was too risky to postpone the enucleation. So, was adopting the “fighting the cancer” attitude, especially from spiritual point of view, really worth it? what I discovered was that I was still having some feelings of disappointment at times, as if Allah swt did not answer my prayers despite all the spiritual efforts that I made. These were the whispers of syaitan, who continuously try to divert mankind away from Allah swt

All the above now contribute to a very important lesson in my life, which is as follows:

The advice to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life(Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual)” could actually be a very dangerous attitude for a Muslim to adopt. I was lucky I had that first experience, and the thing I was fighting for was only to save my eye. But what if at that time, I was actually fighting for my life? What if while I was fighting for my life suddenly I discovered that the angle of death was now in front of me about to take my life away?

I could have died while being displeased with Allah swt’s decision to take away my life; because I had made a lot of efforts, prayers and supplication to Him but yet it would seem then as though H e had not answered any of my prayers (na’udzubillah). Had I died in this situation, i.e. with the feeling of displeasure to Allah swt, do you think Allah swt would be pleased with me?

I therefore realized that the attitude to “Have a strong will to fight cancer from all aspects of life” is definitely a wrong and dangerous attitude for me to adopt, especially now when I am about to lose my life due to this metastic cancer.

So what attitude to adopt?

End of part two…

p/s: What is the most precious thing that I’ve stated before? Find it next month it this blog, insya Allah





D.E.A.T.H. I think I don’t have to explain about this simple word yet has a very deep meaning. Everyone knows for sure that each of us eventually will reach the last breath part. How are our conditions at that time? What is our fate in the grave? Is it one part from the garden of Paradise or the early beginning to Jahannam? NAUZUBILLAH…Have we ever question it to ourselves?

Actually, for this significance title, I’ve quoted it from one book. Upon reading this book, I think I want to share its content with all of you because I believe this topic is very important to us. This book mainly enlightens about a man who is diagnosed with cancer and how are his reactions on that incident. Amazingly, he writes his story right before his death as he wants to tell us the real definition of life from his point of view which we usually unaware of it. I confidently feel this book is very interesting since the author inscribe the account from his own real experience in his momentous journey searching God although he had to endure tremendous pain while he is in the final stage of the fatal cancer.

To all hearty readers, let us ponder it together……..

FACING DEATH-A TESTIMONY OF A MUSLIM STRICKEN WITH METASTATIC CANCER

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

1. Introduction

Assalamualaikum Brothers and Sisters in Islam.

First of all, please allow me to identify myself only as K. my main reason to remain anonymous is because I want the readers to concentrate more on the content of this article rather than to concentrate on the character of the author, i.e. me. This is because this article contains things that I’ve learned from personal experience throughout my ordeal in facing death, which I now feel is an obligation to share with my Muslim brothers and sisters.

At the same time, however, I know I am far from being a perfect Muslim, and I am still unsure of the state I will be in when my Creator finally calls for me. I am still worried whether I would really pass the test, i.e. the pain, the agony, especially during Sakaratul Maut. Therefore, I do not want the state of my death to affect the credibility of the knowledge that I want to share with you in this article.

Last but not least, the views expressed in this article are solely my opinions. This means that I could be right and I could also be wrong. If you have doubts on some of my views, by all means consult the experts, the Islamic scholars in particular. If I were proven wrong, please take advice from the Islamic scholars and please ignore mine. What I am doing here is just sharing with my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Islam what I have learnt to the best of my knowledge, in the hope that we could all learn something from it.

1.1 A Brief History of My Illness

In the fourth quarter of year 2002, I was diagnosed with Choroidal Melanoma, a cancer of the choroid behind the retina in my right eye. By the time it was correctly diagnosed, the cancer had already grown into a considerable size where it was no longer possible to save the vision through an operation, although there was still a chance to save the eyeball.

But such an operation would be very costly, as it could only be performed in a foreign country. Furthermore, there would be costs for the subsequent treatments (radiation therapy), etc; and yet the risk of “recurrence” would still be very high, plus some other possible complications. A better solution as suggested by the local experts was “Enucleation”, i.e. to remove the right eyeball completely.

It was a tough decision to allow the doctors to enucleate my right eyeball. But Alhamdulillah, after a lot of prayers and putting a lot of thoughts to it, I decided to have it done. To cut the story short, Allah s.w.t gave me another one and half months before the operation could take place; at first because of my request to spare me from the operation for another two weeks. Subsequently the operation had to be further postponed due to the unavailability of the correct size of the artificial eye needed to be placed in my right eye’s orbit.

The one and a half months was a period that will be referred to later in this article, so please allow me to term it as Grace Period 1. The enucleation and the artificial eye implant took place in November 2002, during the month of Ramadhan. I had to miss a few days of fasting, but I could no longer postpone the operation due to the high risk of it spreading to other parts of the body. Alhamdulillah, the operation went well, and Alhamdulillah, Allah made me recover from the operation fairly quick, making it possible for me to carry on with fasting for the remaining days.

The histopatology report that came later confirmed that the cancer was confined to the eyeball and there was still a considerably good margin separating the cancer cells from the eyeball’s main blood vessels. Alhamdulillah.

Having done the enucleation was not the end of the story. I became aware by reading articles from the internet and also from the doctors, that I was still at risk of experiencing “recurrence” of worse, the fatal metastic cancer (cancer that spreads to other parts of the body). As for metastic cancer, the most common part that would be affected due to choroidal melanoma is the liver.

Therefore, I always had to go for medical checkups every 6 months, to do a CT scan of the brain and orbit, and an ultrasound of the liver. All praise is due to Allah s.w.t, I lived a normal life from the moment I recovered from the enucleation in November 2002, until the last quarter of year of 2004. For easy reference later in this article, I term this period as Grace Period 2.

In the middle of year 2004, I started sensing some changes in me. The changes were in terms of my energy levels; I started feeling very tired at the end of the day. There were times when I just felt a bit tired all out of a sudden, but after a while I would feel okay again. I also discovered that I had to take a longer time to recover from simple flu, instead of my normal 2 hours (using Panadol + sleeping under a blanket), I would then take 2 days to recover.

I then began to realize that something was not right with me. It could be either my fitness level had dropped due to lack of exercise (unlike before the enucleation operation), or because of the possible metastic cancer mentioned before. Anyway, since my next scheduled CT scan and Ultrasound was just around the corner, i.e. in early August, I thought it would be a good opportunity to check the cause of the problem.

The result of the ultrasound scan confirmed that I had Multiple Liver Metastasis. It was indeed a heavy blow to me. Previously I was losing my eye and now I am going to lose my life. I was told that if not treated, I might only have 6 months or so to live. To make things worse, the Head of Oncology Department confirmed that at present, metastatic cancer of the liver due to choroidal melanoma has very limited solutions. And all these solutions have low percentage rates of success. At best even if successful, the solution would only help to prolong life for a few more months or so. Anyhow, he still suggested that I go for some proposed treatments, and I did.

So that is the condition I am in today at this point of writing. Still struggling with the cancer, I have gone for most of the proposed treatments (chemotheraphy, chemo embolization, etc.) and Alhamdulillah, I am still alive at this point of time. It has already been more than 11 months since I was first diagnosed with the metastic cancer, I am referring to this period as Grace Period 3.

But from the medical reports, I have a feeling that this period will not be going on for much longer, because the metastic cancer are still growing and I am beginning to feel and experience the effects. It may just be a matter of time now, before Allah s.w.t decides to end my life or to cure me through His miracles.

The above is a brief history of my illness, which I think is important to know so that you will be able to understand the remaining content of this article. For more information about Choroidal Melanoma and Metastatic cancer, just do a Google search, insyaAllah you will find lots of information on it. One example is the site below:

[ http://www.eyecancer.com/Metastatic Melanoma/MetMel.html ]

What happen next? How is his life facing the cancer?

Stay tune for more….

p/s: For your information, this book is for free distribution. And thank you to Hafizah who gave this book to me.



One day, during UNGS 2040 class, my lecturer said
"Something that you give is actually your properties"
"Weird, right? He said that after seeing the donation
form is circulated among the students.
I want to manifest the sentence that is stated by him.
As I'm one of the fan of Abu Saif's blog, his admirable
motto really affected me and my life.
"HIDUP UNTUK MEMBERI"
Yes, giving is actually our duty of life, we have to use
all the properties given by God to give back to HIM.
Giving back to Him? He needs our service?
NO! Obviously not!
But, the action of giving is a state of obedience.
He tells us to give? Which statement?
I quote one verse here as a prove:
" O mankind! Worship your Lord (Allah), who created you
and those who were before you so that you may become
al-Muttaqun" (2;21)
Based on this words from Noble Quran, Allah asks us to
solely worship Him. It means that we are giving our devotion
to Him in order to obey His instruction.
Act of giving, right?

Another example; In one Prophetic Narration:
"The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim"
What are you understand from this sunnah? Learning, right?
What its relation with giving?
Don't you see that studying is also a representation of giving? How?
We utilize our energy, time and even life to learn.
That means we are giving. To whom?
Allah swt of course. A very precious giving!
Oh, seems that I haven't explain what is meant by
what you give away is what you will get
or
WHAT YOU GIVE YOU BACK
From my point of view, when we give,
it will be recorded by the angels
and insya Allah, we'll get the rewards in the Hereafter.
But, what we use in the world is not written in the Book
because it doesn't mean anything.
It doesn't right that way actually. What we use for the purpose
of ibadah will also be counted as a deed. Insya Allah.
However, in one hadith, Prophet say:
"The upper hand is better than the lower" (own translation)
That is to say that, the giver is more dignified than the accepter.
In a nutshell, my dear friends, starting from now and today,
let's always be a supplier whether it's only a smile because
we are indirectly returning it back to ourselves.
Wallahua'lam(",)








After leaving this blog for a while, I start to miss it. I feel very bad for causing it to be lonely. Sorry B.
Actually I'm having a condition which inhibit my nerve to send signal to the brain to stimulate action potential membrane that will cause me to write. It occured about 3 months ago. From that time, my usual pace of reading became slow which contribute to little idea of publishing something in this blog.
I started to realize that my writings habit was based on my mood. That's not good actually. We must keep living no matter what happen to us. The world is waiting for us!
As for the title above,I relate it to my journey in this blog. That's mean that I click the PAUSE button recently for the reason that I've stated.Insya Allah,I will continue to give something to the loyal readers.
I don't know whether there is someone awaiting for me to update my deserted blog, but I'm happy if there is someone at least.InsyaAllah.
To tell the truth, I had learned a lot of things when Allah gave me this test. I was walking through the path of patience, grateful and willingness for each and every second steps in my life.
Sometimes, I kept asking God why He sent this kind of obstacles? Why I'm the chosen one? I've tried to do good deeds yet still He makes my life harder? Oh Allah, sorry for all the absurd kind of questions.
In fact, from day to day, I find myself closer to Him when I'm being tested. I figure out many things. The most important thing is,you have to have a CONFIDENCE in Him. Just believe in God in whatever you are trying to do.Insya Allah,He will show the wise way for you.He knows everything which we know nothing.
Before saying goodbye,let us together reflect a reminder from Him;
"O you who believe! Do your duty to Allah, seek the means of approach unto Him, and strive with might and main in His cause:that you may prosper."
(al-Maidah;35)
I hope this simple article will benefit us. If you don't get much, don't forget the little. Thanks for viewing this blogs. And, the best regards solely for HIM...
>>>More to share, Insya Allah..please pray for me and all our brotherhood